"Yes I just had a gf a few days ago, i don't need to answer to anyone right! It is my life. Even my friends r not totally aware."
"it is not that i'm a liar and dun want to take responsibility! what responsibility should i be taking in the first place?"
"Do u think by putting our pic there makes a point? it just show to people how a insensitive person u are."
"Please remove or delete the blog if u really wish to move on. "

These were excerpts of his smses when he finally replied.
What makes him decide to reply after avoiding me for 1 whole week? It's because he saw the pic of him n his gf here n wanted me to delete this blog.
You dun have a gf suddenly... girls dun agree to become ur gf overnight.... Unless.... opps...
Wonder how long was i kept in the dark. N he ever promised in his sms that he will not like 2 girls at the same time.
Responsibility guy, it doesn't mean the girl has to get pregnant. You are responsible for your own actions, for keeping your words to others. As men, you have responsibility to protect ur family, ur country, ur nation. Can we trust u to do all these?
Am i insensitive? Well, daniel martin wong, do give me a lesson on sensitivity.

I have come to visit this blog many times a day for the past 2 months. I like it. Changed the template back to my fav colour. But as a sign of respect to u n ur new gf, i've removed all my photos. So ... ur gf will not know what i look like.

I'm keeping this blog as a tombstone. A tombstone as remembrance of a love which had died.
I don't mean to offend or harm anyone.
I believe as time passes by, U will fade from my memory and this will become just a cheesy love novel.
I can move on even if i do not delete this blog.
I will like to let my bf read this blog and judge for himself what happened. I'm a forthright and unassuming girl. I find it hard to be cynical.
I won't keep secrets from the man i love, the one i will spend the rest of my life with.

Daniel Martin Wong has ceased to matter. And i don't think i need to do anything for him anymore.
Including deleting this blog just so he can go on cheating other girls.
Being a teacher does not mean we should let ourselves be bullied and not fight back.
Likewise, being an IT specialist with a german bank, being a managing director with a recruitment agency, does not mean you can treat people like trash after they've outlived their purpose.

And so, i found out the real reason for Daniel Martin Wong behaving this way.

He's found a new girlfriend.

Her name's Jovis Yap.

Or maybe patched up with his ex girlfriend.

The one whom he once said he loved alot but who dumped him when he left for Germany.

Well, how silly of me.

I actually thought it was my fault.

I actually thought i hurt him.

Well, all that has to be said has been said.

I don't want such a guy... who's fickle in love.

Who can jump from a gal to another... so quickly.

Who cooked up excuses that he's sooooo busy with work and family committments

he did not even have time for himself.

Who said i'll always be his princess.

He LIED.

Daniel Wong, you are supposed to be the managing director of Maxsphere Solution, the Maxsphere Group.

How to win the trust of ur clients if u are such a liar?

What is there to be afraid of?

Just own up n said u had a change of heart.

Or u were lonely in Germany and weren't at all serious bout me.

I would have understood.

Aiyoh... tsk tsk...

I wish I'm still angry with u...

but all i had for u now...is PITY.

Epilogue

It's funny how someone you thought you knew became someone totally new.
It's interesting how someone you thought you could trust became such a coward who dare not take ur calls... who treat your concern as verbal abuse.
It's so unbelievable that a MAN would resort to labelling you as POSSESSIVE just so to create a path for him to escape.
Why when feelings are no longer there, he dare not own up and tell you straight in the face.
Hiding under some excuses of he not wanting to tie you down, not wanting to be selfish, not preventing you from finding your happiness.
Ironic, Hypocrite... that's what he is.

I am so indignant at receiving his sms, after a sleepless night, wondering if he had met with an accident, did not hear from him from 4pm onwards, despite many smses...
I can't understand why someone can be so ruthless, so unfeeling, to continue making u worry, just so he need not bother with u.
He did not even have the courtesy to reply " i'm ok. "
i thought he had lost his phone, someone picked it up, but was not honest enough to return it.
i thought he might have been at some deserted road on his way home from camp.
i dialled n dialled, hoping that someone could ans, hoping i could aleart someone to the noise n hopefully find him.... it might save him in time....
if i hear a voice, i would have an answer if the phone's in someone else's hand, if the phone has been found somewhere.
He obviously heard my calls... he just didn't bothered if i was worried.
He attributed it to me trying to control him... trying to be possessive!
Oh man, pls find a better excuse!

His excuses are so unoriginal, i really wonder if he, Daniel Martin Wong has brains... haiz...
well, at least it woke me up!
How stupid of me to waste time n thought n tears over this man.
At least i saw through him.
Finally.
Thank him for giving me a reason to despise Daniel Wong.
For destroying all the good memories.

Deleted all his smses... deleted his contact from my phone.
blocked n deleted him from my msn.
Just wanna put a proper closure to this FAIRYTALE!haha yucks! shudder to even think of it.
No more tears to be shed for this DANIEL guy.
i shall show him how i have absolutely zero desire to possess him.
Such people really think very very highly of themselves.

Well, it's amazing how i can be so calm when typing out this post.
when your heart has died... it's simple to forget everything.
A bad nightmare but gosh, what i've learnt!
i'm not a good judge of character, i shan't doubt all my smart n intuitive friends.
u all are sooooo right!!!
Gosh, how did u all know?!

The previous post was written with sad feelings, now no more.
thank you. this is the best present you can ever give to me.

Rest In Peace... Bear Bear... (2/2/08-20/4/08)

The End of the Fairy Tale...

79 days in total

The tears wouldn't stop flowing

Re-reading through his emails and smses...

The promises, the sweet-words...

Tears flowed in buckets

I thought there should be resentment

I thought there should be anger

Hatred?

Can't i see the irony of it all?

Am i so blinded by this thing called LOVE?!

No, there aren't...

Just sadness... sadness that;s so enormous,

Enveloping my whole world...

For... when he said or typed those words

I know he really meant it

At that time, in that place

His love just could not withstand

the test of time. nor space...

He just didn't love me enough

Well. what would u expect?

What can u offer?

Why should he love you?

U know u are not lovable

U know this at a very young age

U did such a great job of protecting yourself

From hurt, from tears

Until u decided to take a gamble

to believe in this thing called love

to believe in this man who would give u happiness

While he successfully detaches himself

U sank deeper and deeper...

U took a gamble,

Friends warned u against it

u are playing with fire

U lost... u got burnt...

Now your self-esteem is yet again in the doldrums,

But u are holding a party

for the kids

you must smile n look happy

although u are bleeding inside...

shed tears only when u are alone

do not mix the professional with the personal

he didn't... he has the makings of a businessman

rhe traits.... yah?

I know he's busy

i know he's having a tough time

I tried to help

but yet i'm so helpless

what can i do?

i can only listen to his grouses,

act as his alarm clock

remind him to take care of himself

He's tired... he had v little sleep everyday...

Neither did i...of cos he's too busy to be aware...

What have i been doing this whole month

how long have i been sleeping everyday?

4 hours? panda eyes as evidence...

my workstation is filled

with photos,

scraps of papers... his scrapbook in progress

i'm running out of time, muz complete by june hols

minus the 2 weeks i'm away from s'pore

muz give him after his 8 weeks of RT training

a reward if he pass

a reassurance if he didn't make it

i'm not going to love him any lesser....

The birthday present... for his mother(Cecilia Shin)...

only left with 2 weeks,.. no 1 week

cos next week will be busy with rehearsals...

can only do it in secret...

cos my mum dun even get such a gift

Hours wasted? no, cos it brought me much joy

and more to see the smile on his face, i thought

alas! it was not meant to be

well, at least... no more deadlines to keep.

 

a guy would never let u go

if he truly loves u

no wonder he seemed relieved

when i cooked up story of mr rgs

he could not wait to shake his hands off me

he's just being kind...

he just doesn't have the heart to tell me straight in the face.

He didn't ask me to wait for him...

i would have waited...

i didn't need his company everyday

just a good morning n goodnite...

just to share all good n bad news with him...

until he's more settled...

until we know each other better

then shall we decide...

just let me be here for him...

i won't want to let him walk this difficult path alone

i;ll be here to support him

thanks but no thanks

he didn't need you.

Be thankful girl, be thankful

u have so much in ur life to be thankful about

at least he did not toy with ur feelings

and u have the memories

u lost someone who didn't love u

he lost someone who loves him

who's worse off?

his ex gfs are all very pretty

i can't compare, i'm the ugliest of them all

but i thought...

well it's pointless to think too much...

Bear Bear, rest in peace

the hero who brought me much joy n laughter

who once pledged to protect a princess when he returns 

be her bodyguard

he's big n strong.

nobody dares to bully her again....

alas...

i will miss you bear bear...

help pray for me can?

that i will heal... faster faster...

sorry for disturbing u so much

for all the trouble i gave u

Thank you bear bear... thank you...

The alarm rang... 6am... time to go to school

students, please understand

ur teacher had a sleepless n traumatising night...

i may break down in front of you...

pls use ur innocence n make me laugh

please please... bring some sun into my life...

i need it so desperately...

Gambatte Bear Bear!

 

I know it hasn't been easy for bear bear, daniel wong... bear bear daniel wong din seem happy on saturday when we met as well.... bear bear's daniel martin wong almost like a different person, guess the workload from both commerzbank where he held a day job and his recruitment company, Maxsphere solutions, did take its toll on him.

Well hang in there bear bear, we r all struggling... can foresee next few weeks for term 2 gotta be very busy ones for me as well.... as i rush against time to complete the syllabus and to finish marking the big big bag of assignments!

Jia You bear bear! i'm working as hard as you!

Burned Out

It's been a while since i have written any interesting stories. When i was back in Frankfurt, i can write and post for hours. Reasoning being, the quality of life there is peaceful and lots of personal time to ourself.

However ever since i returned to singapore 1 week plus ago, my life here is rushing here, dashing there, and falling sick for DAYS wasnt something good to look forward to!
The moment i touch down on sunday, i had to work the next day, and with the thought of shifting house from Holland to commonwealth wasnt a lovely thing either!
I can understand why Princess wrote those words, that i am bo chap. Or is it that i have seen her put on weight and not interested in her? Well frankly, i dont even have the time to walk my son boi boi. Ever since i was back till now, i only walked him twice. Which i would normally walk him daily before i flew to Frankfurt. I used to sms or call Princess in the wee morning before she travels to school, now i even zhi seng nan bao. As in the morning i am either busy running through schedule task from 4am, or i am at home sleeping away after a super hectic day!

My office hours in the bank is from 1.30am to 1.30pm and the timing is the greatest challenge rather than troubleshooting problems. Because when it hits 5am! Most of us are feeling like zombies and we have to endure till 1.30pm!
If i were to take a public transport home after work, i can easily reached home at 3pm, thus having only 7 hours to sleep and prepare for work again at 1130pm. Well during that 7 hours sleep, which it never happens, cos i was also busy handling maxsphere buisness, talking to partners or staffs and going to customers site for meeting. It is just so tiring.
I dont even have the time to go for a decent drink in the wine cellar. So let say that, this is the life of a typical singaporean.

Toy museum 12/4/08

Nostalgia... Memories of days gone by... doesn't this scene looks familiar? how we all wish to return to the good ol' days....

Plenty of toys here ....

How to make a BEAR BEAR?? Nah, my bearbear ain't so skinny... this is not huggable!

Bear Bear looked shocked upon discovering the paparazzi!!! haha!

Bear Bear n Me,,,

U R soooo sweeeeet

Awww just wanna drop a short note to say today Bear Bear called me when i was slaving away in the staff room. He asked when i'll be going home and he's around my area and he can give me a lift back home.

But i still have work to complete in sch, coupled with the fact that i looked like hell after a long, tiring day. Think Bear Bear hasn't recovered as well and should give him rest time whenever possible.

Bear Bear called a second time and said it's gonna rain soon and if i can leave by 5.45, he can give me a lift... this despite him having a frustrating day with the S-telco and a phone which is perpectually out of stock.

I dun think i can make it by that time and again, i looked like s*** today...

But it's a very thoughtful gesture and I really appreciate the thought. haha but then i may get addicted to Bear Bear picking me up from sch and get so pampered and comfortable...i'm still very much a bus and mrt girl, taxis in the morn... haha...

Thank you, Bear Bear dear!

THE FIRST DATE

And it happened! And it happened! The First Date between Princess n Bear Bear. It's ironic that I had blogged earlier about being ready for the event when it comes and well, how life just throw us a surprise when we least expected it.

I was not given much time to prepare for this first date. Bear Bear messaged me at about 12pm on monday 7th April, to ask if I wanna accompany him to go see the doctor. Well poor bear bear hasn't been feeling well since saturday, he felt feverish and was down with flu soon after. I suspected it was a viral infection and adviced him to see a doctor. Bear Bear, Daniel Martin Wong could only go for clinics under the R group as that would be heavily subsidised by his company, Commerzbank. But the nearest clinic is in clementi and so bear bear gotta travel down in order to see the doctor. I was caught unaware by bearbear sms, which came in just as i was about to go to class and it said "dear dear u wanna accompany me to see the doctor?" It's been a long time since bearbear called me deardear... so on account of that, i agreed. haha. we arranged to meet around 7pm outside the clinic.

Was so nervous bout meeting bearbear, had butterflies in my stomach, din dare to eat alot in case my spare tyres, or to euphemise it, love handles, could not be put in check. was decked out in all pink but without accessories, makeup etc. Luckily i ended early at VT and was able to rush home to have a quick check before meeting bearbear. I took the present which i bought to welcome bearbear home. the classic, nostalgic, old fashioned music box, which has to be manually winded in order to hear the tune. I chose the "Love Story" tune, hoping that our well, we have a story to tell in the days to come....

I reached the MRT station but could not see bearbear... started to wonder if any guy in black t-shirt and blue jeans could be bear bear... din manage to hear the phone ring and waited for like 2 batches of pple to come out of the trains b4 i called bearbear... turns out he was in front of the bookshop... hidden from view... bearbear had on the same outfit as in many of the photos he sent... so he was... instantly recognised by me... haha not forgetting, he brought me my presents from Europe. They are a pair of papillio sandals, very sweet sandals, cos it has little purple hearts all over :) i like it sooo much!!! haha... pls see photo for more info... he also got me 2 tee-shirts from paris disney land, yeah! so so so cute! brings out the child in me... and there's also a keychain from England, which spells "Princess", which bearbear apparently got for 5pounds! that's so expensive... i will definitely treasure the gifts and the thought that accompanies them.

nah this is juz an afterthot... nth to do wif bearbear.

Oh it was kinda embarrassing... i din shake bearbear's hand nor hug him haha.... just said hello, bearbear Daniel Wong Liang Heng gave me a pat on the back of my head.. Bearbear's tall but with the help of the heels, i din feel so short beside him.

Bearbear's defintely bigger than me.... so i din feel that fat beside him. haha. Walked to the clinic, and it was a long walk... perspired before reaching the clinic. The clumsy princess almost fell twice, walking down the stairs... ! Gave bearbear such a shock that he asked if i wanna go home and change my heels. OF cos not! I'm the ai swee mai mia kind lor. ha. We had to wait about 1 hr before bearbear's turn. meanwhile i checked out my presents and proceeded to clear my receipts from my wallet and bearbear v gentlemently throw them away for me...

After bearbear consulted the doctor and claimed his medication, we proceeded to Jurong Point by Taxi. I jhad initially suggested having porridge at the coffeeshop in clementi, but bearbear said no, he will bring me to Soup kitchen in "Boon Lay Shopping Centre". Though i would have understood and not blame bearbear for having to eat at a coffee shop during our first date, nevertheless, it warms my heart to know that bearbear Daniel Martin Wong cared enuff to want to bring me to a nice restaurant. During the trip, bear bear shared about his friends wanting to go into food delivery, about his mum wanting to start a food business to help her friends etc... There was a point when bear bear said he could not believe this is actually happening, that he "knew " me in Germany but we are now sitting next to each other in the taxi... :) well, there's the miracle of life... we never know what it has in store for us, do we?

The dinner at Soup Kitchen was nice, had always wanted to try out the food there but haven't had the chance as yet. We ordered the set meal for 2, which consist of old cucumber soup with pork ribs, samsui chicken with ginger dip, beggars' ribs, broccoli with mushroom and olive rice. We had chrysanthemum with pu-er tea (my choice) and braised peanuts while waiting for the food to arrive. Bearbear had a hearty appetite despite feeling unwell. He finished the whole basket of olive rice! haha which i din think was nice, but bearbear said he love rice! and indeed now, with the rising prices, it's not good to waste food. Bear bear served me first before himself and got the vege to put on my plate... he certainly know how to take care of a girl. :) Bearbear also told me that i'm pretty and sweet (why do i desperately wants to believe this?)... not like the more recent photos of the ugly me... haha. Bear bear also shared how much he gets to earn for clinching some business deals with his own company, Maxsphere Solutions and Maxsphere Lancer . He had earlier handed me his namecard, Bear bear is a Managing Director of the Maxsphere group ok? dun play play. haha. The chicken arrived after we finished the other dishes... and we were almost full by then. We tried a few pieces and got the waitress to da bao the rest, inclusive of the lettuce. Bear bear paid for the meal which amounted to almost $63... times are tight, we shall be more frugal next time ya?

Then we went to look for an atm machine cos bearbear needed more cash to take taxi home. There was a long queue at the ATM machine, but bearbear refused my offer to pay for the fare nor did he agree to take the train cos he needed to meet up with some other of his Maxsphere partners for business deals.

Bear bear sent me home first, and he wanted to give me a hug before i alight, but then, i was still too shy to accept the hug. haha... we set a date to meet up again on saturday :)

Thank you bearbear.... for making me feel like special lady, for not minding my clumsiness n my balding patch, my fats.. tho bearbear did notice, i was wearing a closet! haha!

The Past Week

 

Bear Bear called just now...and he was especially sweet to tell me that i would have noticed, he did not communicate much with me for the past week when he returned. It's not that he's trying to run away from me (well, he saw my fat fat pic) and anyway he hasn't met up with the real me yet, so... not possible to run away... but that he has been so busy the past week, and of course, working at such unearthly hours would have affected his availability to call me...

Well, thank you Bear Bear Daniel Martin Wongfor your reassuring words. I did notice, of cos i noticed, and how bear bear has stop calling me dear, darling... and stopped saying he missed me n he loves me... I take it as that now that he has returned to sg, surrounded by family and friends... he probably won't need me as much. Of course I understand that he's been really busy, and it's tough having to work such long hours... dun think he has had a proper rest ever since he came back from frankfurt, upon completion of his training for Commerzbank.

Bearbear, upon his return went to his new rental flat in tanglin halt, but was dismayed at the condition it's in. He could not get used to the weather and has been feeling sweaty and hot... boi boi kept barking whenever strangers walked past, he's also trying to get used to his new habitat. Bear Bear was supposed to meet me on 31st March, but I fell sick, so he met up with his cousins before going to the HOSPITAL to visit his friend's mother who is warded in ICU. When he called me and say he's really tired but he still has to send his friends back cos he was driving that day, my heart aches for this man, Daniel Martin Wong who always places his friends and family before himself.

Bearbear's table at work... super cool...

We postponed the meeting to Tuesday, so he went for work first before he's supposed to meet me. But hiaz... not feeling ready, I asked BearBear if he has work to do, he should feel free to go clear his work first. BearBear said if I'm still not ready to meet him, then maybe he'll go for dinner with his German colleagues from Commerzbank as that's the last day they end at 5pm and can go for dinner together, but it's all not confirmed so he'll inform me by 3pm. Later Bearbear msg to say he'll meet up with ME! (Thank you Bear Bear for choosing me over ur colleagues...) but i declined... thinking i need more days to lose wt and also allow him to have bonding time with his colleagues. So bear bear ended up having dinner with his German bosses from Commerzbank at Newton (cos it's cheaper! he said)and later brought them to eat durians. He drove back to his old holland house unknowingly... before he realised he's no longer staying there. It must have been painful for him *Hugs bear bear... bear with it a little while more ok?*

Bear Bear's Colleagues.

 

I went for course at TN on Wednesday, skipped RS lesson. Then went to chop off my locks. (pls see picture in previous entry).... haha though feels quite weird but i'm also rather excited at spotting a new hairstyle. Was greeting with laughter and comments from EVERYBODY when i returned to sch on Thursday... shows how different I must have looked. Well, comments ranged from the negative to positively affirming! haha... well... i guess it takes some getting used to.... BearBear met up with his partners to settle some stuffs...

Thursday, was a traumatic day for me.... i went home in the rain cos i left my hp at home that day...i felt uneasy as i could not contact bearbear... and wonder if he did sms or call me..went home in the rain, just to get hold of my phone.... when i reached hm, another shock awaits... first of all no msgs or missed calls from bearbear, secondly, i could not reply ying's msg! then i finally realised what's happened! my request to have my line terminated has been granted! except that i wasn't ready for it to be terminated.... haiz.... *it has got to do with me being greedy* but i shall leave this story for another day... anyway i called bearbear using my house phone... then decided to go and get a new phone and a new line from another operator... aft a long wait and told lots of stuff out of stock, i got another shock that the line could not be activated yet. Arrrrrghhhhh... I went to get M1's $88 deal, consisting of a motorola hp and a Mcard cos it could be activated instantly... well, sure there are other options, but after such a long day... could not be really bothered bout the options... haha. Anyway, bearbear if u need a phone without camera function, that is available for ur use...

This blog is getting long, shall blog abt my visit to the keppel bay area on friday and to chinatown on sat again soon.... bye and please take care bear bear dear :)

Me wif my new look

It's scary to notice how much weight i've put on for the pass few months. even scarier to know there's a big balding patch on my head! :-o hmm other than that, i do like my new hairstyle. It's short n wavy at the back. Looks permed but no no, those r my stubbon natural curls. Cool ya? But i gotta style it before i go out everyday. N also wash off the wax aft i return hm at night. :-S

I have hope again!

Ha talking about moodswings n pms... i wonder who can top me in this field? Yesterday i was all moody and so afraid of meeting bearbear... so stressed up and teary.... but then today... bearbear called and said he can wait for me! yipee!!!

Well if only others know how much this means to me. It's not that i'm a vain pot, wanting to act chio n pretty... but then it's my FIRST DATE after all and I don't want to regret this for the rest of my life... u noe, i've always believe, if only i can be ready for everything that's coming my way in life... be ready for all the examinations, all the job interviews, all the tasks thrown to me... however, life doesn't work that way for me. i'm so used to last minute work. thanks to my lucky stars... i more often than not, managed to scrape through everything.

We make the best of things that come our way, opportunities do not come twice, so why make them wait for me to be ready? by the time i am ready, opportunity would have slipped away quietly...

Again, this princess consoles herself, well, good things are worth waiting for. I will definitely love bearbear more if bearbear's willing to wait for me. For once, i did not snack today!!! if bearbear can quit smoking, i can quit snacking!